Monday, January 28, 2013

Music and Writing

2.  My favorite song at the moment would be Its Time by Imagine Dragons.  Its my favorite song because of its lyrics.  I first heard it on the radio driving home from work and instantly fell inlove with it.  On days when Im feeling down like Im worth a half penny.  I listen to this song and it always brightens my day.



3.  My music has definetly changed over the years.  All I really used to listen to was what was on the radio or what my parents had in the car at the time.  But when I got an ipod, I started buying music and loving the Alternative Genre.  Most of my music is Alternative,  I dont really know what draws me to it, sometimes I think its a faze like ill eventaully grow out of it.  But I dont want to grow out of this music.  This music feels like me.  The verse;

"its time to begin
isnt it i get a little bit bigger
and then ill admit im just the same as i was
now dont you understand
im never changing who i am"

At first made me cry,  because i feel society is so stuck on apperances and whats cool, whatll get you friends, what makes you popular.  And we get away from what makes us different, what makes us individuals, what makes me, ME.  And I dont want to lose sight of that.  Because you shouldnt change who you are, but change who you hang around with because nothings wrong with being yourself.

4.  I gravitate towards music that makes me feel happy, and music I know I can sing when nobodys looking. I dislike music that use profanity alot like some is okay but sometimes ive just had enough.



6.  Without music, the world would be a hollow place filled with silence. 

13.  Music is a form of poetry. A lyric thats been stuck in my head for a long time is by the rapper Lil Wayne..

"Never apologize for saying how you feel, its like apologizing for being real."



Friday, January 25, 2013

Creative Piece

It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.  I knew it was time to leave this life.  But i wasn't ready, not yet. I had one more thing to do, he had to know.  Someway I had to find him and tell him.  Somehow, id tell him even though i was nothing more than a think shimmer in the air.  But how would I find him in this endless black pit of nothing.  Tears touched my face.  For I only felt sadness that I would never see him again.  He was the moon in my sky.  The necklace hanging from my neck a reminder of the sweet memories.  A dark cloud hung over me, reminding me of the last words I said to him.  Those awful words we screamed at each other.  It wasn't fair, it was so stupid, I cant even remember the words that we said.  The memory blurred as his beautiful face came into view right next to me.  His hair ruffled from the countless times he ran his fingers through it out of frustration.  His chiseled face with a stubble of hair just the way I loved.  His nose which was cocked a little to the left from his adolescent years and finally his eyes.  Eyes I could get lost in for days.  Stormy gray pools sucking you in with green flecks at the end, making my heart stop every time he gazed at me.  However this time was different, a light lit up his beautiful face, masked in horror as a loud honk screamed from the right of me getting louder and louder. It looked as if saying goodbye but no words were coming out. Just his mouth moving.



Then everything came back in a rush, the screech of tires then darkness.

My head was pounding, I was upside down.  My eye lids felt like 2 ton boulders were weighing me down.  What was that god awful ringing in my ears? 

Then someone was carrying me, they were asking me my name, if i was hurt, if i knew what today was, but speaking was to hard so I just closed my eyes. When they set me down on a hard board, my eyes flew open as did my mouth and the ear bleeding scream of pain.  Finally when I was sedated I whispered where he was.  The look on there faces said it all and I let sleep consume my being.

I felt like I was being pulled by an unknown force.  There was no fighting it but i tried with everything I had when fighting became to hard I gave in as it took me forward.  Where was it taking me?  I knew this road led to somewhere familiar but I was having a hard time remembering, until finally the hospital came into view. 

The pull became stronger like when all of a sudden I was staring down at my broken, and bruised body with a oxygen mask on my face.  Needles in my hands and arms and..HE WAS HERE! HE'S WITH ME! HOLDING MY HAND! But how was I watching this?  My hand started tingling slowly working through my body.

It started getting dark again, I needed to do this now. I reached for him as I was getting ready to finally tell him.  I felt pressure on my hand, the same one hes holding as he said "...you must go on, I cant go on, I love you, I'm so sorry." 

And that's when darkness consumed me...




There was a bright light, as I opened my eyes.  Slowly my eyes adjusted I was laying down...laying down on something soft yet stiff.  Something was covering my mouth, as I reached to remove it, there was a resistance, I looked to where my hand was.  Somebody was holding onto it.  Slowly, so slowly i was sure Id die, The person holding my hand lifted their chestnut haired head, until finally I met the eyes that claimed my body, heart, and soul.

Famous Lines from Famous Books

"It was a cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen."

This line is from the novel Nineteen Eighty-Four, which was published in the year 1949 by the Author George Orwell who lived from  June 25, 1903 to January 21, 1950. This author is also known for other works, including Animal Farm and many others.


Nineteen Eighty-Four is a novel by George Orwell published in 1949.  It is a dystopian and satirical novel set in Oceania, where society is tyrannized by the Party and its totalitarian ideology.  The Oceanian province of Airstrip One is a world of perpetual war, ominpresent government surveillance, and public mind control of a privilegded Inner Part elite that persecutes all indivilualism and independent thinking as thought crimes.  Their tyranny is headed by Big Brother, the quasi-divine Party leader who enjoys an intense cult of personality, but who may not even exist.  Big brother and the Party justify their rule in the name of a supposed greater good.  The protagonist of the novel, Winston Smith, is a member of the Outer Party who works for the Ministry of Truth, which is responsible for propaganda and historical revisionism.  His job is to rewrite past newspapers acticles so that the historical record always supports the current party line.  Smith is a diligent and skillful worker, but he secretl hates the Party and dreams of rebellion against Big Brother.
One of the reviews says

From Winston Smith's point of view, many things that scare us are normal.  For example, the omnipresence of the "Big Brother", always watching you, and the "Thought Police", that punishes treacherous thoughts against the Party.  The reader feels the inevitability of doom that pervades the book many times, in phrases like "Thoughtcrime was not a thing that could be concealed forever.  You might dodge successfully for a while, even for years, but sooner or later they were bound to get you.

Orwell made in this book many observations that are no more merely fiction, but already things that manage to reduce our freedom.  This is a book that only gets better with the passing of time, as you read in it more and more implications.  One of Orwells main reasons for writting this "negative utopia" might have been to warn his readers against communism, but many years after his death and the fall of communism, we can also interpret it as a caution against the excessive power of mass media, or the immoderate power of any government.


"...you must go on, I cant go on, Ill go on."
This line is from the novel The Unnamable, which was published in the year 1953 Samuel Beckett who lived from April 13, 1906 to December 22, 1989.  This author is also for other works including Dream of fair to Midding Women and Mercier and Camier.
The Unnamable is a 1953 novel by Samuel Beckett.  Is it the third and final entry in Beckettes "Trilogy" of novels, which begins with Molloy followed by Malone Dies.  It was originally publishd in French as L'Innommable and later adaped by the author into English.  Grove Press published the English edition on 1958.
The Unnamable consists entirely of a disjointed monologue from the persepective of an unnamed (presumably unnamable) and immobile protagonist. There is no concrete plot or setting - and whether the other characters actually exist or whether they are facets of the narrator himself is debatable.  The protagonist also claims authorship of the main characters in the two previous novels of the Trilogy and Becketts earlier novels Murphy, Mercier and Camier, and Watt.  The novel is a mix of recollections and existential musing of the part of its narrator, many of which pertian specifically to the possibility that the narrator constructed by the language he speaks.   Other characters serve as the passive recipient of the dialogue and in many places the dialogue genesis.  The novel builds in its despairing tone until the ending, which consists mainly of very long run-on sentences.  It closes with the phrase "You must go on, I cant go on, Ill go on," which was later used as the title of an anthology of Beckett works.
One of the critic reviews says;
After the second read it isn't so crazy, really! It's a poem, more than prose, a prayer even, and is best (as the wife tells me), read that way, in small doses, in order to get the beauty of the language.


To me it could be one of the lost books of the Bible, something the Pharasies and/or the popes thought too crazy to include, maybe the Lost Book of Job or Jeremiah, maybe Cain. The character, the Unnamable, armless and legless voice that cries out throughout the one hundred odd pages could easily be the voice of all humanity, all the suffering, oppressed who never do have a voice, who's existence is nothing more than a cry in the dark, the ones who History crushes beneath its black boots. If in Ulysses Joyce wrote about all the thoughts that fill the mind during an entire day, Beckett writes all the desperate, deathbed thoughts that wrack the brain in an instant.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Passage

I don't really have a passage out of a book that's my favorite.  But I do however have a lyric out of a song that's my absolute favorite and inspirational.  The songs called "Its Time" by Imagine Dragons. 


"Its time to begin
 Isn't it i get a little bit better
And then ill admit I'm just the same as i was
 Now don't you understand
 That I'm never changing who i am"

The reason this one stands out to me is because I always feel like in high school you feel pressured to be somebody different then who you really are.  That people feel the need to fit and and be popular.  Be around people who are mean to other people and you don't say anything or do anything and its always been a pet peeve of mine that people change who they really are just so that they have friends.  Not to mention the friends that they wanted so badly aren't their real friends at all.

I can gladly say I have true friends and if your not a true friend then I don't see the point in faking anything, its a waste of time.  Trust and Loyalty are a big thing for me and if I don't trust you then whats the point that's what relationships are based on.  Finding a friend who's loyal and trustworthy are hard to find but id rather have just one friend who is exactly that.  Than a hundred fake friends who make me miserable.

7 Minutes

7 Minutes of Thinking

                                                     Lauras Story
Him
Me and Him
Him and His Girlfriend
Me alone
Me and my Best Friend Rachel
Rachel making me feel better
Me and Rachel meeting guys
My stomach hurting
Laying Down
Being at Diana and Lauras house
Jumping on the Trampoline
Summer
Staying at Amandas house
Falling asleep outside on the Hammock
Sneaking out
Pushing her car down the street
Riding ontop of her car
Falling off
Scraping my legs, hands, and arms

Writers as Readers

I mostly read romance novels.  However I love the fantasy and drama and adventure just as much.  Romance novels are kind of a reminder of what I want.  I'm so picky with guys and who I hang around, its not really that I don't like people, its just I only put myself around people who I can deal with.  And as I've gotten older I've found my list of friends get shorter everyday.  There's plenty of acquaintance's but to find a true friend or boyfriend is that hard part.

My favorite book now would be Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire.  I bought the book off of Barnes and Noble and read it off my nook app on my phone and could not set it down.  I don't know if it was because it was a romance novel or the story line but I was so excited to find out what happen and when it did I was so happy and excited but also sad knowing I had just finished it.  I don't trudge through books unless its a history book or a book I have to read in class, because they usually hold no interest for me.

The first book I remember reading would be "The Prince of Egypt", I didn't read it by myself my dad helped me read it.  Ive always loved that book it took us forever to finish because i remember the book being so big and having such a huge story to tell.  The book mostly stands out because my dad helped me read it and I'm such a daddy's girl that would always be the best part of my night was him helping me read.

My favorite series would be the Twilight Saga. Because its the only series that Ive actually read all of the books and seen all the movies, own all of books and all but one of the movies because it hasn't come out yet, and went to all the movie premieres.

When I finished reading Breaking Dawn, I was extremely sad, and actually cried because I knew that it was the end of the series and there wouldn't be another book or another movie.  Then I felt like id never find a book or series Id actually enjoy reading after but now in my free time I read.  And sometimes I even cancel on my friends just so I can read a book.

I don't think how much you read determines if you would be a strong writer.  I think it all depends on whether you've got the talent or not, you could not read a single book and be an amazing writer.  Or you could read all the time and be a horrible writer.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Maya Angelou

I think talking about bad dreams gives them power, if you just dont about it then you eventually forget about it and the hold it had over you disappears.  However I also think you should write it out just incase you have another dream like that one and you can have it documented.  And its forever out of your mind and just on a piece of paper instead.

I personally only remember severly bad dreams like when my older brotehr died, I remember everything about that dream, the tears and the crying and the funeral it was one of the worst dreams ive ever experienced.  I also remember when me and my brother were stuck in "The Strangers" movie and he told me to jump out the window of the sceond floor and onto the trampoline and hed follow me but when i landed on the trampoline and turned around to see him he was gone.  The complete terror of those dreams are forever etched into my mind, and the utter loneliness i felt to not have either one of them in my life was unbearable.


I have horrible memory, the important things I barely remember, but the simple things, i remember them completely like sitting at the table during dinner time and passing food around, or when my dad and my godfather helped me clean up my room, or stomping up the stairs because i was mad at my dad.  Walking home with my brother everyday from school.  I have total recall of random things, things that werent big events in my life but I hold onto them for some reason.


When im trying to occupy my small mind, listening to music would be my first choice.  Running on the treadmill would be my second.  Or taking a shower is a great distractor.


Writing is very hardwork.  I write easiest from whats coming from my mind when im thinking about something, but to write a book or an essay it takes me forever to actually come up with full blown essays.  Sometimes im never fully capable to put whats inside my head on a piece a paper.


I think as you get older you that part of your brain that was so excepting to learn stops working as hard to take in new imformation.  Kind of like a cup half empty half full.  Its not necessarily done forever, but takes more to except new information.  As you get older eventually your cup will get more full but never completely full. You experience new things everyday so your always learning something.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Dream Threads

You don't find answers, you find pieces to the puzzle.  Little tiny pieces that push you towards the truth.  You don't want to believe it because you love him and he loves you.  He says it all the time and how sorry he is for what he did and that its the last time. But it never really stops it repeats itself and you just don't do anything because he tells you how its your fault.  That your the reason he gets the way he does.  But he loves you and that should be enough.  Even when he isolates you from your friends and family making it so that he is the only one in your life, and without him your life would be pointless.  Even when you get a tickle in the back of your head you still stay and ignore it.  And when he doesn't change, when everything stays the same, the tickle becomes an itch you cant scratch until finally it turns into a slap in the face.  And you realize that he is dark and absorbs light, so you can never get a good look until your to close.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Dreaming

I dont remember dreaming. I have before but lately I have no idea what my dreams are about. Were they scary or funny, if it was in a different world or underwater.  Did I fall in love or not at all.


If I could chose my dreams I make them about something more than falling in love or being underwater. Id want to dream about changing the world, inventing something, or just helping people.

If I could chose my dreams Id chose to make them about traveling and seeing new things, new people experiencing new things.

Also Id want to dream about finding a husband, soul mate, bestfriend, I want to dream about someone who wants me through it all. Who can be tough when they need to be tough, or soft when they need to be soft. And happy kids and being completely and irrevocably happy.

I want to dream about all the things that I want in life.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

I am

I am…

Seventeen, a senior in high school, born and raised in Springfield Missouri, with a dream to be a surgeon and to help people.

A sister to 4 siblings; 2 older brothers, 1 younger sister, and 1 younger brother, fortunate to have 2 body guards, a shadow, and a follower.

A daughter, unfortunately still thought of as the baby girl, a carbon copy of my mother, a fathers who is still trying to understand.

An attitude that gets me in more trouble than it should, not a morning person.

Sonic Carhop, where I have met people who just make me laugh so hard I cry at work and have showed me so much, like a paycheck every other week.

I am…

Only TruMoo Chocolate Milk, and sweet tea, roman noodles made only by my brothers and honey buns.

Sleeping in whenever I can and when I’m not suppose to.

Staying up late talking on the phone with my friends or texting that one boy who makes my heart skip a beat.

Lying outside on my back porch with a blanket and a best friend staring at the night sky and contemplating life or talking about that hottie from ihop.

Blasting my music and in my room and dancing off beat or singing in the shower or car completely off key.

Watching the matrix trilogy with my dad and brothers just to have them in my presence.

Constantly making my brother laugh with my goofiness or him me, and my dad shaking his head saying that only his kids would say stupid stuff like us.

Watching scary movies with my hands over my eyes, peaking through a whole between my fingers because it makes me feel better.

Crying at sappy love stories or just crying at a really good movie and then getting made fun of.

I am…

Dark brown eyes and dark brown hair like my father.

Short, but not small, not skinny and not fat, fun size, and comfortable.

Vans, Sperry’s, Boots or Sandals, Jeggings, Jeans, Leggings and Sweat pants, messy bun and no makeup.
  
So close to 18 I can taste it in the air, going to graduate and travel the world, meet new people and experience news things.

Not a little girl with little girl problems anymore.

Figuring out I am, who I want to be, and how to be that person.